No Patch

So, it's Monday and I got about 30 mins of sleep last night. Friday I put the last 25mcg/hr patch that I own and too much seeped into my pores due to direct sunlight. I felt drugged and then Saturday morning I had the worst migraine. It was concentrated in my right temple area. My room had become a cave for the duration of the day and into the night. Sunday comes and since too much Fentynal went in at one time, there was not enough to fill the 72 hour life it has. Withdrawals started Sunday. Before the 12 mcg/hr pacthes that my doctor has prescribed to me, there were only 25's. So, although I have my prescription of 12's waiting for me, I think I am just going to let the withdrawals come full force and get off now. I have missed a weekend due to side effects of medication that is suppose to be helping me. Pain is pain, We need to learn to deal with pain in other ways besides taking medications that only hurt us further. If anyone would have said "Melissa, I know that you are in pain, but these medications are going to eat you alive, you will throw up at east 4 times a day, you will sleep constantly, and you will also lose 20 lbs.." Maybe, I would have thought twice. Opioids are a tricky and deadly medication. Dr. only seem to increase the dosage, which only adds to the intensity of the cycle. For people with everyday chronic pain the best thing is to fight through it. Mind over matter. Because nothing no matter what is going to change the injury or the pain that injury leaves behind as a constant reminder. We need to embrace our pain and make it part of us, only to make us stronger. I pray to God that I can be strong enough to overcome this and still accomplish my goal of finishing my externship.

Tuesday with Pain

AHHH. I am doing my extern worth 660 hours and Tuesdays are my 8 hour days, but where am I? In bed. This bloody bed. We definitely have a love/hate relationship, my bed and I. Yes, I love to sleep, sleeping in is the best in my opinion and i sleep so very well. I can dream so vividly, but when I am forced to be in bed, I despise it. Especially when I lay here seeing how messy my room has gotten and my laundry just keeps piling. I am now using these 25 mcg/hr patches. I am really worried about the next step down, then NOTHING. It tames my pain very mildly and gives me no extra energy like the other doses. I can feel the entire right lateral side of my spine, I can feel the weakness, stiffness, and pain. From C-1 down to T-12. My right hip and femur and Rt collar bone aren't feeling so hot either. I hope that God gives me the strength I need mentally and physically to get over this hump and detox completely, while maintaining my routine. At least completing my Extern.

Mornings.

Are the worst. My neck is always the sorest and stiffest. I had 2 lateral fractures on the right side of my neck. Did not hurt that much compared to others, but has had the weirdest after symptoms. Every once inawhile it pops I don't know how else to describe it. It pops and this thick pain shots up my neck and into my head it feels like. I stiffen and the pain is so indescribable. My stomach always falls to my feet. It lasts seconds, but the scare lasts longer. I have stomach ulcers in my stomach due to all the pain killers they were giving me. Since my accident on '06 I have been on opioids. It's been almost a year since I chucked my pills and have not looked back. I am still on the Fentynal patch however I am being slowly winged. From 75 mcg's to now 25mcg's and next month hopefully none. Due to the pills and all the side effects I dropped 20 pounds, they ate my alive. It's taken time, but I am gaining. The one thing that has allowed me to eat and get over the nausea is Medical Cannabis. Mornings would not be overcome if it was not for marijuana. I have to say that it does get very tiring always relying on something to make me feel better, so I have also stopped smoking like a chimney. I only smoke when it is utterly the sickest nausea or greatest tension in my nerves, which causes pain. Here's to OVERCOMING! No mas quiero vivir, sin protextos.

What is OI?

Osteogenesis Imperfecta

(osteo=bone) (genesis=creation) Imperfecta is latin for imperfect...

 imperfect bone creation. OI is a genetic connective tissue disorder that causes defective bone/skin/teeth/and nail growth.  Causing fractures from very mild or no trauma at all. Also called Brittle Bone disease. There are about 8 types, ranging from moderate to severe. I am one of the lucky moderates. Type 1 moderate. Well, when I say lucky I mean as lucky as you can get when the OI gene is in your blood. I am an autosomal dominant and my DNA comes back negative for OI. Genetics are tricky and after two tests one being collagen(12 years of age) and then later as technology grew and I was tested again by blood( 21 years of age), still no answer as to what type, came back once again negative. The conclusion was drawn that BOTH my parents carry a recessive OI gene and out of all the people to meet and have a baby, they did.My blood shows no mutation, because I am a dominant.  The result a baby girl born with 6 broken ribs. I am now 22 and have had 30 fractures my spine has a density of -2. in my spine...equivalent to a 60 year old woman. Which puts me into the category of Osteopenia just a couple steps before Osteoporosis.  Many back braces and even a full torso/neck cast. 

At 22 I am learning to deal, understand, and grow with OI. As a child I always had my breaks and recoveries, but I never thought I was less. I never thought about my future differently than any other normal girl. However after a traumatic car accident in '06 everything changed. Chronic pain had taken over and so did medications for pain. WORST thing I ever did was seek chronic pain medication. Thank God I do not have an addictive personality or things could have been much worse. They are just killers, just plain killers. They are no way to live or lead a life.