I feel like every winter for now on is going to teach me something for here on out. I hate seeing my room in such disarray, but I just don't have the desire to feel more pain. Cleaning takes a toll on my body along with other simple things in the Winter and having full feeling of the pain and my fractures makes me so lazy to do things that I would normally in the Summer not have to struggle with so much. Not having a crutch like Pain killers is hard too. The pain was pretty bad the other night, it just would not stop, it was the first time the word Norco popped into my head. Knowing that I could relax and sleep instead of feel this pain just by taking a pill was welcomed. I need to find other ways to distract my brain from the pain. I go out as much as possible and do as much as I can. I just want to keep my mind distracted and away from the pain and the stiffness. It really is not that bad though, not intolerable. Not at all at the level that I expected. I have to admit that I am picking up a bad habit. Smoking cigarettes...I feel ashamed saying it because I know what they do to you, but I really don't NEED weed the way I used for my stomach. My champion of a stomach is pretty well healed, so I just don't need it like i used to and it's just tooo expensive and I cannot afford it. It helps me tremendously with relaxing and helping me cope with the pain, but I can get by without it now that my stomach is healed. The pain is tolerable, well i have to keep telling myself that. It does have its moments though. Anyways, smoking is nasty and smells, but for a brief amount of time I escape the pain and the stiffness and I am light. I know that once this Winter passes and the cold is gone I will not desire cigarettes. The warmth will do plenty soothing. January is almost here and I cannot wait! Insurance once again.
