No Patch

So, it's Monday and I got about 30 mins of sleep last night. Friday I put the last 25mcg/hr patch that I own and too much seeped into my pores due to direct sunlight. I felt drugged and then Saturday morning I had the worst migraine. It was concentrated in my right temple area. My room had become a cave for the duration of the day and into the night. Sunday comes and since too much Fentynal went in at one time, there was not enough to fill the 72 hour life it has. Withdrawals started Sunday. Before the 12 mcg/hr pacthes that my doctor has prescribed to me, there were only 25's. So, although I have my prescription of 12's waiting for me, I think I am just going to let the withdrawals come full force and get off now. I have missed a weekend due to side effects of medication that is suppose to be helping me. Pain is pain, We need to learn to deal with pain in other ways besides taking medications that only hurt us further. If anyone would have said "Melissa, I know that you are in pain, but these medications are going to eat you alive, you will throw up at east 4 times a day, you will sleep constantly, and you will also lose 20 lbs.." Maybe, I would have thought twice. Opioids are a tricky and deadly medication. Dr. only seem to increase the dosage, which only adds to the intensity of the cycle. For people with everyday chronic pain the best thing is to fight through it. Mind over matter. Because nothing no matter what is going to change the injury or the pain that injury leaves behind as a constant reminder. We need to embrace our pain and make it part of us, only to make us stronger. I pray to God that I can be strong enough to overcome this and still accomplish my goal of finishing my externship.

Tuesday with Pain

AHHH. I am doing my extern worth 660 hours and Tuesdays are my 8 hour days, but where am I? In bed. This bloody bed. We definitely have a love/hate relationship, my bed and I. Yes, I love to sleep, sleeping in is the best in my opinion and i sleep so very well. I can dream so vividly, but when I am forced to be in bed, I despise it. Especially when I lay here seeing how messy my room has gotten and my laundry just keeps piling. I am now using these 25 mcg/hr patches. I am really worried about the next step down, then NOTHING. It tames my pain very mildly and gives me no extra energy like the other doses. I can feel the entire right lateral side of my spine, I can feel the weakness, stiffness, and pain. From C-1 down to T-12. My right hip and femur and Rt collar bone aren't feeling so hot either. I hope that God gives me the strength I need mentally and physically to get over this hump and detox completely, while maintaining my routine. At least completing my Extern.